The Many Facets of Dwight Schrute

If you are an Office fan (American series, NOT the British one), then you will understand my love for and appreciation of the interminably hilarious Dwight Schrute. If you live under a rock and thus do not watch The Office (this is inexcusable), then let me enlighten you.

Dwight Schrute is the funniest character that was ever born out of American television.

Raised on an Armish beet farm, Dwight has no sense of style (see Exhibit A) and an even less defined sense of tact.

His beauty lies in his ego-maniacal ploys to take over the office of Dunder and Miffelin, a paper company in Scranton (Pennsylvania), and what ensues is the funniest tv series in the world, maybe the universe.

What follows is an account of the top 10 funniest Dwight Schrute quotes. Enjoy.

1. When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, they discovered that I had adsorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No, I believe his tissue has made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby.
2. I am faster than 80% of all snakes.
3. I don’t care what Jim says, that is not Benjamin Franklin. I am 99% sure.
   
4. I don’t believe you, continue.
5. Reject a woman, and she will never let it go. One of the many defects of their kind. Also, weak arms.
6. When I die. I want to be frozen. And if they have to freeze me in pieces, so be it. I will wake up stronger than ever, because I will have used that time, to figure out exactly why I died. And what moves I could have used to defend myself better now that I know what hold he had me in.
7. The eyes are the groin of the head.
8. My feelings regenerate at twice the speed of a normal man
9. Before I do anything I ask myself “Would an idiot do that?” And if the answer is yes, I do not do that thing.
10. You know whats better than a triceratops. Only every other dinosaur that has ever existed.

A Cautionary Tale

Some Pretty Things

I sell vintage clothes and accessories and books and cards and pretty much anything that falls under this category. These are a few leftovers from my last sale that haven't flown the nest yet. I'm tempted to use science, torture or magic to get my feet to fit into the shoes.

PS. I do not own an SLR camera. This travesty (tragedy) will hopefully be remedied soon. [This is a disguised apology for poor photo quality]

Sunday Times 18/ 12/ 11

The headline on today's Sunday Times was something of a treat, and, being a week until Christmas dawns on us (I still have bought zilch presents), was nothing short of a bad omen for the year to follow.

The headline read "Juju ridicules 'Shower Man'" and goes on to explain how the infamous Juju is doing what he must to garner even more support from ANC members through his dissing of our dear JZ.

While our country is in such a fragile economic and political state, it is frightening to witness the destruction of the African National Congress at the hands of such a buffoon.

This photograph reminded me only too well of the rise and ridicule of neo-colonialism in Africa as depicted in Ayi Kwei Armah's "The Beautiful Ones are not yet born". I quote Armah on his novel:

"Alone, i am nothing. i have nothing.we have power.but we will never know it,we will never see it work.unless we come together to make it work."

The Beautiful and the Damned

In these endless Summer days I tend to lose myself in the beauty of December. There is so much to be grateful for, so much to just let oneself revel in. However, the smell of sunblock on my lightly tanned skin (an overstatement if ever there was one) and the pleasures of a light Cape breeze caressing my sunburn do little to quell my thirst for a socialite-style adventure: a Summer aboard a yacht with champagne (no sparkling wine in sight please) or a dalliance in the deep blue of somewhere exotic, or even Pacific.

I have enjoyed every one of my Eastern Cape summer vacations: two months letting loose in the barefoot province brings one to a place of soulful rejuvenation. However, nearing the age of twenty-three and not having left the country yet (I have sojourned as far as Cape Town and Johannesburg) is eroding the happiness that I feel I should be having this Summer.

In the midst of my Mid-Summer Crisis, I have found refuge in the unparalleled sophistication of F. Scott Fitzgerald. Trawling through the library, I have devoured Gatsby (this is the fourth time), The Beautiful and the Damned, and now, am making my way through a rather thick volume of his short stories (all 700 pages of them)!

And while indulging my imagination's desire to create a visceral world of decadence, style and opulence (in a Versaci one-piece of course) in "The Off Shore Pirate", I came upon this quote which most aptly sums up my current predicament.

“I don't want to repeat my innocence. I want the pleasure of losing it again.”

There is a slippage that takes place when one does something for the first time, a falling into something that one will never be able to extrapolate oneself out of, for having done something, it can never be undone - and so lies the beauty in teenage experimentation.

I will never be able to take those first daring sips of vodka under a ripened moon in a garden smelling like lavender and jasmine again. I could try and recreate that exact moment of being sixteen and feeling rebellious, excited at misbehaving, but I am 22, and by virtue of these extra six years, allowed in every State in every country in the entire world, to consume alcohol.

And so I leave you with a few images that, despite their sentimentality, encapsulate the delightful feeling of slipping and falling in a serendipitous world of beauty and sensation and love.

Now I am become Death

I follow Life Magazine on Twitter and came across this particular tweet this morning.
It was quite heavy for a pre-brushed teeth read but nevertheless, it struck me as quite apt since we are in the midst of COP17 and some slightly more metaphorical issues regarding the state of freedom of speech in South Africa.

J. Robert Oppenheimer was famously quoted as having said that the atom bomb reminded him of words by Shiva, the Hindu god of Death, "Now I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds".


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